Victory Denied: Matador kicked off Spanish football team for 'inappropriate attire'

SEVILLA, Spain -- Spanish matador Jose Felipe Dominguez de Santiago Ruiz was abruptly removed from the Spanish national football squad's roster before the country's victorious World Cup final for 'inappropriate attire,' it was announced by FIFA officials late Sunday.

Team manager Vicente del Bosque, drenched in sangria, said the world-famous bullfighter from Pamplona had refused to change from his matador gear into the standard football shirt, shorts, socks and shoes.

"The strict guidelines of FIFA declare that the attire of no participating player may outdo that of Ricky Martin in tightness," del Bosque said, several rice grains from his celebratory paella spraying from his mouth.

The rest of La Furia Roja - as the first-time World Cup-winning side is nicknamed - indeed joined FIFA and their manager in their fury at the tightness of Dominguez de Santiago Ruiz's pants, which were sewn by his grandmother, Penelope Sofia Corpulenta de Santiago Ruiz several years before Dominguez de Santiago Ruiz's metabolism screeched to a halt.

"Tengo miedo de estos pantalones," said injured striker Fernando Torres. "No me gustan."

Dominguez de Santiago Ruiz could not be reached for comment. He instead performed in the storied bullfighters' ring this morning and was gored by a large bull named Pepe.