Credit Crunch, Money Printing Lead to Surge in Sales at Copy Shops Nationwide

AUSTIN, Tex. -On this mild autumn Texas day, the laser printers at Zeb's Printing Shop have broken down like they normally do.

Except this time, there's a reason. Zeb's and other copy shops nationwide are coping with a spike in demand in order to print the $700 billion in additional notes from the United States' "money-pulled-out-of-our-ass" fund to go toward an historic bailout of the financial system.

The Federal Bureau of Engraving and Printing has started to outsource money printing to copy shops because "we just can't do it on our own, ya know," said Bureau spokeswoman Candy DeSantos.

As a result, copy shops like Zeb's are "turning the page" to new profits.

"When I turn on the lights in the morning to open up shop, I can hear 700 billion 'cha-chings' in my head," said owner Zeb, who declined to give his full name (as if Zeb is his real name anyway). "Actually, hearing that 700 billion times can be pretty jarring. I'm still on 234 million, and I've had this damn headache for 3 hours."

In Europe, which appears to be the credit crunch's next victim, printers were gearing up for the continent's first printing party since Johannes Gutenberg first invented the printing press almost 600 years ago.

For example, Dieter's Printing Haus in Munich, Germany, has already stopped production on other orders, including broadsheet posters for an upcoming Battle of the Bands in the Bavarian city, to focus on printing Euros. Lots and lots of Euros.

"I guess Rothenberg's Raaderz won't be rocking it out this year," said Dieter Schultz, the shop's manager, in a perfectly executed stereotypical German accent. "They will be stuck playing the Dusseldorf City Convention, which never sells out and has really bad beer."

As for Zeb, he said all he needs is a bridge loan from the Federal Reserve Bank of the United States to buy new printer cartridges.

"I'm running out ink all the time, dude," he said, "but man, inflation is great for business."