NEW YORK - Little Tommy Studebaker's first trip to a New York-style pizzeria since his baby teeth fully emerged went terrible wrong Saturday, when the layer of cheese on his 12-inch New Yawk jumbo slice slowly slipped off the crust, a source close to the tragedy told Writer's Blechh this morning.
"I don't think Tommy will live this down for another three years," an officer investigating the case of cheese slippage at Salvatore's Hey I'm Eatin' Here! Restauraunt said on condition of anonymity.
The sheer nakedness of crust with which the slice was left was as stunning to little Tommy's parents as it was to the visibly shake-up toddler himself.
"Oh, so terrible.....oh, so terrible," said Tommy's mother, Judith, 37. Tommy's father, Carl, 41, was unable to speak.
While the investigation is ongoing, police said the layer of mozzarella cheese used at Salvatore's is known for its low friction coefficient, meaning the cheese frequently slips off of the pizza crust.
Mayor Rudy Guiliani outlawed cheese slippage in an historic legislative victory in 1997. Police have not ruled out criminal charges against pizzeria co-owners Salvatore Maggiano and Pepe Chulo Dominguez.
Adding insult to injury, the cheese was thoroughly garnished with crushed red pepper, garlic powder, oregano and Tabasco sauce.
"Now we can't eat it," a sobbing Judith Studebaker said, wiping her tears with the napkin she had used to soak the grease from the pizza slice.
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